I want to talk about something that I think a lot of people can relate too. I for one have struggled with this for a couple of years now, but more so in the past couple of months. It is the topic of losing people in your life that you thought would always be by your side.
I am the type of person that makes friends very easily. Maybe its my outgoing personality or my never ending persistence. Who knows 🙂 But I have had a lot of different friends over the years. Some really good friends, some not so good friends. Friends that have stuck around and friends that have disappeared. What really has upset me here lately is the people who I thought would stick around, the people who have traveled the path of losing Henry with me, the people who in a million years I would never think would disappear, have in fact disappeared. And I start to wonder… Why?
Listen, I know my life isn’t easy. I have a medically fragile child, I am a full time working momma, a wife, daughter, you get the point. Most days I don’t have time to shower let alone go out and have a cup of coffee with a friend. I realize my life is messy and chaotic and maybe for some people it’s just too much. Too much effort to try and make plans. Too much effort to reach out and see how we are doing. But… It doesn’t mean it hurts any less. It actually hurts a whole lot. It’s like a bee sting that doesn’t stop stinging. And the one thing that I wish my so called friends would realize is that…. I know a lot of things have changed. I have changed. But I am in a way still the same Kelsey. The Kelsey who likes to laugh and eat good food. Who could talk about literally anything and everything. Who would still be your shoulder to lean on. Who would still come running if you needed me too.
Living this life… this complicated, exhausting, but beautiful life can be so lonely. Especially when your child is fragile. There are days where the only person I talk to is Wally. There are days where I feel so closed in and so depressed that I think “Today is the day where I go crazy.” And I look around, and the only people I see are Wally, Zeus, and AJ. Don’t get me wrong we have amazing families, we have our Barth family <3, some friends that live in town, and I have a friend Stacey who I vent to through texting. But sometimes what I really need is… someone to distract me from my crazy life. To be ok with coming over, sitting on my couch, gossiping, talking, and just hanging out. What people need to realize.. I don’t want my whole world to revolve around Wally. Not all conversations have to be about Barth’s, or how he is doing. Actually I would love to talk about SOMETHING else. I think every mom can relate that when you become a mom, you kind of lose yourself. And I have most definitely lost myself along with some of my best friends. And it stinks! And its confusing and sad.
But… if there’s one thing I learned is that… people come in to your life for a reason. So maybe the people who have decided to leave were only meant to be around for that portion of our lives. Maybe they were sent to me, to help me get through losing Henry. I will never know. And trust me I know it takes two to have a friendship. I am not a saint. There are things I could have differently. I could have texted more, called more, been my old persistence self. I let my pride and my hurt feelings of them not reaching out dictate my actions and that wasn’t fair. So…even though I know I could have been a better friend myself, I have come to terms with accepting the fact that they just do not want to be a part of our lives anymore. And that’s ok. It truly is ok because we have the most amazing support system of people who love us and love Wally. We have people who don’t get offended when a call or text message isn’t answered and forgotten about (eventually I do remember ;))We have people that despite our sweet, complicated, Wally, and our crazy, chaotic life, still want to be in our lives. These are the people who I want to surround myself with. The people who (I hope) will be around for the long haul. Because as much as I need a friend, I want to be that friend for someone else.
So for all you out there that know exactly where I am coming from. That know the sting you feel from realizing someone doesn’t want to be a part of your life anymore, please know this…. people come and go. It is just the way of life. Seasons change. Circumstances change. The world keeps turning. Does it suck? Hell yeah it sucks. BUT…It is ok if someone walks away from the friendship you have thought you created. It just means they were not meant to follow you in the next chapter of your story. And here is a little secret that I recently learned and witnessed. That next chapter, the chapter in your story, is full of new friendships and new beginnings. And let me tell you friend, that hope, is enough to dull the hurt and the sting you feel now.
So I am saying goodbye to these past friendships and saying hello to new friendships. Life is crazy beautiful and filled with twists and turns. As long as I have my faith and hope in tomorrow, I know that everything will turn out exactly how God intended it too.
So here is to the next chapter of my story and the beautiful friendships it creates! ❤ ❤
Love you all,
Wally’s Momma ❤
“We all lose friends.. we lose them in death, to distance and over time. But even though they may be lost, hope is not.”